“You look too drunk, go have a cup of coffee!” It’s an age old trope which has been uttered everywhere from parties, to frat houses, to the silver screen. The morning after a night of heaving drinking can have you desperately clinging to anything that can make the pain go away, and one of the go to cures has always been a warm cup of joe. But how much truth is there really in this conventional wisdom? Is a cup of coffee really gonna make that hangover go away or is it just another old wives’ tale we can discard?
Unfortunately, I feel the need to start this article with a PSA. Way too often have I seen someone try to sober up by downing cup after cup of coffee in the hopes of speeding up the process. Unfortunately, the only thing that can help you sober up is time. To put it simply, your liver needs time to metabolize all that alcohol and there’s no amount of coffee that will help that. So, DO NOT DRINK AND DRIVE. That coffee did not help, you’re not ok, and it’s NOT ok to drive. You’re literally putting lives at risk… If you have no regard for your own life considers those of your passengers or other motorists. Make the responsible choice.
With that out of the way, let’s get to the hangover; coffee may not help metabolize alcohol faster but it may be able to help alleviate the aftereffects of heavy drinking right? Unfortunately, the science says that those positive effects your feeling are likely either just a coincidence, or a placebo.
Let’s start with the headache that inevitably accompanies the hangover, many people will swear that the coffee eliminates that headache. The question we need to ask ourselves here is whether the coffee is actually improving your hangover or whether you’re just a caffeine junky. Headaches are one of the most common symptoms of caffeine withdrawal so that headache going away may actually just mean that you’ve just gotten your caffeine fix for the morning. This is why people will often report that coffee will improve their headaches but not eliminate it and that’s assuming it doesn’t make your headache worse.
That’s right, worse! Dehydration is one of the main culprits fueling your hangover and on top of dehydrating you, coffee can cause a narrowing of your blood vessels, which will in turn increase your blood pressure. If you’re already feeling the pounding around your temples or behind your eyes, this is not going to make it better…
Unfortunately, if you really are a coffee addict, this means the morning after will be a balancing act to make sure you get enough caffeine to prevent caffeine withdrawal (which will make your hangover worse!) but not so much that it will make your symptoms worse. Opt for a lightly caffeinated drink, and if possible, try to get back to sleep.
Now some good news, while that coffee isn’t doing much for your hangover, there is actually some research out of Finland that indicates it may help you out in the long run! According to one study, 5 cups of coffee or more, per day, can significantly reduce the enzymes which are recognized pre cursors to heart disease, diabetes, and liver damage. Unfortunately, that was a small study which has yet to be replicated in a large scale study. As such, it should be taken with a grain of salt pending further investigation.
Ultimately, while your cup of coffee may make you feel better, there’s very little scientific evidence indicating it’s actually doing anything to cure your hangover. You’d probably be much better served by rehydrating, taking a couple of aspirin, replenishing your electrolytes, and just going back to bed.
